Beneath The Planet Of The Apes (1970)

WARNING

THIS REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS.

IF YOU WISH TO AVOID SPOILERS THEN DON'T READ THE BITS WRITTEN IN RED.

OTHER THAN THIS BIT, OBVIOUSLY.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Planet Of The Apes was a total success in pretty much every conceivable way. It pulled in seven times it's own budget at the box office, it transcended the genre within which it was based and set wheels into motion that would revolutionise cinema come the mid 1970's. So it is understandable that producer Arthur P. Jacobs would rush into production a sequel in order to further cash in on the phenomenon. However, sadly for the film makers, Charlton Heston wasn't so keen on the idea and refused to participate unless his character got killed off during the opening scenes. Arthur P. eventually persuaded Heston to stick around for a bit more of the film and hired James Franciscus as a new lead to make up for the loss of Heston. So armed with a new leading man, a more optimistic story idea and half the budget of the original film Arthur P. Jacobs and new director Ted Post set to work on creating one of the worst sequels in cinema history.

Beneath The Plant Of The Apes picks up exactly where the first film left off. We follow Taylor (Charlton Heston) and Nova (Linda Harrison) around for five minutes until, suddenly Taylor trips over and vanishes, mystically into a rock wall. Cut to our new hero Brent played by James Franciscus who bumps into Nova before the pair set off to try and find Taylor.

It should become abundantly clear to anyone paying attention that Beneath The Planet Of The Apes is going to be a steaming pile of ape shit after witnessing the original films main character literally vanish into thin air like a fart in front of a fan. It's a cheap, lazy piece of writing that sets the precedent for the entire film which continues to excrete all over itself at every given opportunity.

Part of what makes the first film so great is the fact that, on some of its most basic levels, it could theoretically happen. It never tries to stretch the levels of disbelief and plays everything perfectly straight thus making the film more interesting and terrifying. Unfortunately Beneath The Planet Of The Apes doesn't make any such attempts, even going as far as to introduce a mutant race of super humans into the mix during the films second act. One could say that the second Planet Of The Apes film goes completely bananas! (I'm so sorry)

Cast wise everything works ok with the exception of leading man James Franciscus. Obviously hired because he looks a little like Heston and was told to growl his lines in very much the same way makes Brent appear more like a parody of Taylor rather than a different character entirely. James aside we see the familiar ape makeup covered faces of Kim Hunter, Maurice Evans and Roddy McDowell although the smaller budget does take it's toll on the makeup which this time round seems a lot less convincing.

The script is (as I've previously hinted) atrocious. The more interesting themes of the first film are abandoned almost entirely in order to make way for a very on the nose statement about nuclear armageddon, even going as far as to make a nuclear missile the leading antagonist of the film. Also shoehorned into the mix a scene depicting a public, peaceful protest, which is in no doubt a direct reference to the protests being carried out across America during the late 60's. Untalented director Ted even decided to shoot the scene handheld in order to give it 'documentary style' realism. The end result however just makes the scene feel like a forced effort to try and relate to the masses of the time, which unsurprisingly is exactly what the scene was intended for. 

Another failing comes in the ear raping, headache inducing cinematic soundtrack. The superb contributions of Gerry Goldsmith are sadly missed this time around with a new score being brought to our ears by Leonard Rosenman. His score, unlike Goldsmith's is up front, stereotypical and distracting. 

Beneath Of The Planet Of The Apes final insult on the senses takes place during its ham handed, all over the place climactic third act. After an incredibly hilarious scene where the super human mutant race sing 'All Things Bright And Beautiful' to a bomb comes a shootout between the apes and the humans. The writers, clearly having written themselves into a corner opt to kill off every single character in one scene and close the film with a voiceover stating that the world exploded. I almost couldn't believe my eyes as the credits started to roll, it came so out of left field that had I not been bored to tears and half asleep I may have been forced to audibly question what had just happened. But trust me, I wound it back and re-watched it, that really is how this disaster of a film ends. Outstanding on every level!

Let this be a lesson to all aspiring filmmakers out there. Should you be put in charge of creating the sequel to one of cinema's greatest accomplishments, don't do what these people did. Decide instead to not make the film. Simply go straight to the cinema's yourself and take the biggest, curry induced shit all over the audience members. I guarantee that not only will they have a better time than they would had they watched this piece of garbage but they'll respect you a hell of a lot more too.

Beneath The Planet Of The Apes gets...

0.5 out of 5

Planet Of The Apes (1968)

WARNING

THIS REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS.

IF YOU WISH TO AVOID SPOILERS THEN DON'T READ THE BITS WRITTEN IN RED.

OTHER THAN THIS BIT, OBVIOUSLY.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Jesus motherfucking Christ I am so awesome. Over the next seven days, not only will you get your usual, undeserved review but also an extra six reviews leading up to it. As a sort of celebration of the release of Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes I have decided to bring you reviews of every 'Ape' movie to have come before it. Honestly I don't know why I treat you so well. So sit back, take me for granted and have a gander at the first review of the week, 1968's Planet Of The Apes.

Planet Of The Apes has become revered within the world of modern cinema. It set a high precedent for mainstream science fiction and paved the way for the likes of Star Wars, Superman and the Star Trek motion pictures. From the films settings to the films script Planet Of The Apes has become a part of todays society, often being quoted or referenced to in everything from TV shows to advertising campaigns. To say the Planet Of The Apes was an important cinematic release would be a gargantuan understatement.

Based on a french novel of the same name Planet Of The Apes tells the story of Taylor, a modern day astronaut who, along with his crew crash land on an unknown planet in the year 3978. Three members of the crew survive, only having aged 18 months due to time dilation after travelling at near light speeds for 2006 years. Together they set off to explore, discovering that super intelligent apes rule over the planet and use human beings for scientific experimentation.

As plots go it doesn't hold up to too much heavy scrutiny, but anyone with a half active retarded braincell will be able to work out that Planet Of The Apes has bigger, more important things on its mind. Themes of animal cruelty, close mindedness, organised religion and social classes are all about as subtle as Michael Bays directorial technique and are explored at great length during the film. Not to say that the film is incapable of subtlety, for those who really want to see it, Planet Of The Apes also works as a commentary on the American governments policies in Vietnam and as rather strong anti nuclear statement, two themes which were very much relevant in 1968.

As far as writing goes the movie is very strong. Like all films of the era, Planet Of The Apes is not what you would call fast paced, not that this is a bad thing. The dialogue in the film is strong, to the point and services the themes of the script well without getting the the way or becoming distracting. The action-adventure balance is as close to perfect as you could wish for and the twist ending is delivered incredibly well, something which I would have enjoyed much more had the ending not been played to me so many times in other forms over the years.

The cast is great. Charlton Heston plays the part well, doing a decent job of conveying the danger his character is in which in turn helps the audience accept the absurdity of what is going on. What also works well is his rather odd speech pattern, adding a unique twist to the films script which is what has made the film so quotable since its release. Not bad for a guy who was only hired in order to have a famous name in the credits.

The most notable other cast member is perhaps the most important when it comes to the franchise, Roddy McDowall. McDowall reprised his role of Cornelius in four of the five sequels and does a really good job here despite the heavy makeup. Also worth looking out for is Pierre Boulle's work as the corrupt Ape scientist Dr. Zaius, the films emotionally flawed, secretive villain.

In terms of direction an awful lot has been done with very little. A relatively unknown name at the time Franlin J. Schaffner had something which many of todays directors don't. He had the ability to open a film up and make it appear much grander in scale than it was in reality. Planet Of The Apes looks and feels like an epic despite only having a handful of sets and very few actors. If this film were to be made today (which it wouldn't be) the only directors I can think of that could pull it off are the Coen Brothers and Ridley Scott, give it a few more decades and the art of pulling off epic to this scale without the use of costly special effects and extensive outdoor sets will be a lost art. Sad fact and a testament to how well this film was directed.

Another important aspect of the film is its score. An early piece of work by Gerry Goldsmith, the score behind Planet Of The Apes is like nothing else I've ever heard before or since. The sound is made up with a mixture of traditional orchestral score and odd sounding household objects such as metal mixing bowls. The end result is on the whole a successful endeavour. There were, it has to be said, one or two moments where the score stood out a little too much and called attention to itself but thankfully these were few and far between. Clearly a lot of thought went into the score and on the whole it benefits from it.

With all of that being said the film does suffer on account of its age. Being a product of the 60's the sets have a look about them that reminded me of the kind of decor seen in your average Flinstones episode. This isn't helped by overly harsh lighting and an abundance of yellow gels which give every set that 'early episode of Star Trek' feel. I feel somewhat dirty criticising a film for not ageing well but it's my job to watch films and sound like a wanky arsehole, therefore I have no choice.

On the whole I was rather impressed with Planet Of The Apes. It has a solid, simple structure, good casting, talented direction and enough underlying themes to keep my impressive brain occupied. As a contribution to the world of film its significance is undeniable and very much deserved. I would be happy to recommend it to any fan of film or science fiction.

Planet Of The Apes gets...

4 out of 5

Special Feature: TV Shows-Part Four: A Man Named Joss

WARNING

THIS REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS.

IF YOU WISH TO AVOID SPOILERS THEN DON'T READ THE BITS WRITTEN IN RED.

OTHER THAN THIS BIT, OBVIOUSLY.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Are you ready for a shameless display of unbridled theoretical cock sucking? If not then my advice to is 'look away now' because this post is all about a man who's contributions to television (and film) have yet to disappoint me. A man who has brought me laughs, scares, tears and the mental equivalent of a boner so hard and impressive that it could cut through diamonds. Todays nonsensical ramblings are all about a certain Mr. Joss Whedon.


Joss started out his career in Television as a writer on Roseanne, after which he sold his script for the 1992 cinematic disasterpiece that is Buffy The Vampire Slayer. After this Joss became a script doctor for many a film script. Going mostly uncredited his work, Whedon's writing credits include Speed, 1994's The Getaway remake and Waterworld, scripts that probably wouldn't have garnered Whedon much of a reputation had his name actually been credited. His involvement with the script for a little known Pixar feature called Toy Story marked somewhat of a turning point in the mans career.


Post Toy Story Whedon was contacted regarding a concept for a television show based on his Buffy script. Knowing that his ideas for Buffy The Vampire Slayer weren't properly (or at all) conveyed in the 1992 film, Joss decided to go ahead with the TV show and created Emmy Award nominated critical and cult hit, Buffy The Vampire Slayer (The TV show, for the dim minds amongst you, they happen to share the same name! To make this simpler I will, from now on refer to the TV show adaptation as BTVS).


BTVS was a show about the typical blonde chick who always got caught and killed in alley ways in pretty much every Hollywood horror movie. The twist with Buffy however was that while she looked like the aforementioned distressed damsel, she was in fact a highly skilled fighter and could take on the beasty and go on to pummel it's arse to a pulp. Mix that idea with themes of feminism, human relationships, growing up, spirituality and a heavy dose of teenage angst and what you are left with is one of the best shows ever created.


What I always enjoyed most about BTVS was its darker more adult themes in contrast to its pin sharp wit. Almost every episode strikes this balance perfectly, one minute I will be deep in thought, pondering a theoretical dilemma that the show had presented me with, then without warning I would be forced to audibly laugh at a witty one liner or cunningly linguistic piece of innuendo. This can only be achieved through extraordinary writing talent, something which BTVS displayed 99% of the time. The characters were strong and had powerful, engaging character arks, the stories were tight, exciting and occasionally genuinely frightening. This plus a unique style and feel that Whedon instilled into the show from the get go by using unique 'teen' lingo and Monty Python-esque sillyness.


A major part of the success of this show is its cast. Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy, Alyson Hannigan as Willow, Nicholas Brendon as long suffering Xander and Anthony Stewart Head as bookish Brit Giles form a leading group of heroes with so much chemistry and relative emotion that you can't help but fall in love with them. Other highlightening cast members include Seth Green as the ever quiet yet always amusing Oz, Emma Caulfield as ex demon come born again human Anya and the scene stealing, set destroying performance of James Masters' Spike. 


BTVS wound up running for a total of seven seasons, during which time the show put out a surprising lack of dud episodes. Episodes such as 'Beer' and 'I Robot, You Jane' spring to minds as particular lows but let it be clear that these are mere insignificant blemishes on an otherwise faultless show. If there is anyone out there who hasn't watched this show then I strongly urge you to get out there and buy the Box set. By the time you get midway through the second season you'll wonder how you ever managed without witnessing this wonderful show.


Buffy The Vampire (The TV Show) gets..

5 out of 5

An additional note. Season Five's episode 'The Body' is perhaps the most heartbreaking hour of television ever produced.

Notable Episodes: ONCE MORE WITH FEELING, HUSH, THE ZEPPO, THE BODY, THE GIFT, PASSION, CONVERSATIONS WITH DEAD PEOPLE.

BTVS proved itself to be a gift that kept on giving when it comes to the wonderful world of Whedon, when it split its cast up in order to form it's spinoff series, Angel.

Angel was a character who featured very heavily during BTVS's earlier seasons. The character portrayed by David Boreanaz was a Vampire who has been given back his soul, causing him to enter a deep depression as a result of the centuries of pain and misery he had caused. Despite providing the early seasons of BTVS with most of its emotional gravitas, Angel was received with mixed feelings amongst many of the fans. Criticisms about Boreanaz's acting ability as well as the character never lightening up doomed the character for many people, not including me. I understood what Boreanaz was doing and in my opinion, his take on the character is spot on. In order top convey the characters despair, David had to play him as a quiet, emotionally stinted loner. What other way is there to play it without undercutting the dramatic weight of Angel's history.

With these views in mind I was all for a spin off featuring the character in a leading role. This coupled with the shows promise of being a much darker tale and my likening for anything that dares to go where others won't attracted me from the start, yet this isn't the factor of the show that appeals to me most.

It has to be said that Angel takes a while to get going. Most of the first season is spent trying to find the correct tone for the show and it isn't until a throw away joke about Angel dancing at a party comes along that the show finds its true calling. What makes Angel such a good show is its quirky, individual sense of humour. BTVS had a lot of comedic elements, but Angel made the humour an integral part of it's image. It's humour was more irreverent, mocking and self deprecating than that of BTVS's. The shows balance between broad humour and heavy dramatics was a difficult balance to get right. Most of the fourth season in fact suffers from its too overpowering plot which, for many episodes, forced the humour to be dialled way back to the point of obscurity. That being said, when Angel got it right, it really got it right and wound up producing some amazing television moments that any fan of serialised episodic TV would be insane to overlook.


One of the few things Angel has over BTVS is its villain. BTVS doesn't have a main villain other than hell, which is about as broad a villain as you could possibly dream. In Angel the main threat comes from a law firm that goes by the name Wolfram & Hart. Rather than having a villain locked away in his lair is substituted for the villain being the lair itself, a comedic idea that not only works as a sharp bit of satire but also provides the audience with a bad guy everybody loves to hate. I mean seriously, who in this world actually likes lawyers? 


The cast of the show was also a surprise hit. Charisma Carpenter's Cordelia Chase and Alexis Denisof's Wesley Wyndam-Pryce were essentially cut off's from the first three seasons of BTVS. In Buffy these characters never quite appealed in the same way Buffy, Willow, Xander and Giles did. However when it came to their inclusion in Angel Cordelia and Wesley were fleshed out properly as characters and aloud to grow past their previous 'one joke' existence's. By the shows end it become quite the Herculean task to remember the characters they once were, and that is no bad thing.


New coming characters to the 'Buffyverse' via Angel are Gunn, Fred and Lorne. Gunn is a hot headed street kid who matured into a ruthless slayer of all things nasty. He is the only black major character in the 'Buffyverse', something which actor J. August Richards is obviously ok with seeing as a lot of his best comedic lines spring from calling attention to this fact. Fred, played by the very attractive Amy Acker, is a very much insane bookish genius with the hots for apparently every male member of the hero team and probably the most active character ark in the shows run. Then finally there is Lorne. Lorne is a good demon who can read the thoughts and futures of any given being provided that they sing to him, I suspect originally conceived as a one joke, one episode character who proves to be such an entertaining addition that the writers kept including him in the newer scripts. There is also a genius addition to the cast in the fith season that involves dragging a character favourite from BTVS, kicking and screaming into the tormented world of Angel. I wont spoil the surprise, but trust me when I say its worth the four season wait to see him. Sadly this highlight doesn't last long.


When season five of Angel started the show was doing well in the ratings, was faring better with critiques and had truly found its stride. The scripts were tight, the humour was in the forefront and the show had taken a turn that would prove to be the game changing moment in the show's history. Sadly though, still suffering the scars birthed by Firefly's cancellation, Joss wanted some assurance that Angel had a future on the Fox network. Whedon approached the head of programming and requested an early approval for a sixth season, something which the show, at the rate it was going, was guaranteed to have had. Sadly the Fox heads couldn't make any such promises, so instead of allowing an early renewal, they prematurely cancelled the show in it's prime. It was yet another sad day in the cut throat world of American network television. 


To sum up this show then, I'd have to say that in the long run it never quite reached the dizzying heights BTVS did. A slow start, an overly dramatic fourth season and an early cancellation just as the show found its strongest pair of legs crippled the show a little too much to ever outshine BTVS. That being said, with its odd episode of absolute genius coupled with earth shatteringly decent final season raises Angel to stand higher than many of modern televisions meagre offerings. I love this show, it's great fun and I'll never be able to look at puppets in the same way again!


Angel gets...

3.5 out of 5

Notable Epiisodes: REDEFINITION, WAITING IN THE WINGS, HOME, NOT FADE AWAY, SMILE TIME, SANCTUARY,  A HOLE IN THE WORLD. 

While all of this was going on that sneaky little Whedon fella', thrust another awesome show on to our screens. This time moving away from the 'Buffyverse' to tell the story of a bunch of social outcasts. A very much Sci Fi adventure tale with a heavy American Old West influence. A show with a great cast, great scripts, only fourteen episodes and one hell of a massive cult following. This is the wonder that is Firefly.

Firefly is about the crew of the 'fire-fly' class spaceship Serenity as they go on missions to steal things, sell stolen things and smuggle illegal things. Set in the aftermath of a great war Firefly was essentially a space opera with no apparent weak spots other than its inability to gain viewership during its initial run. More on that later.

The most outstanding aspect of the show has to be its tightly nit, flawless cast. Nathan Fillion takes the lead role of Mal, the owner of Serenity and possessor of many a quippy one liner. Fillions performance here being so dead on the money that it becomes hard to see the performance. Alan Tudyk plays Wash, Serenity's pilot and another source for fantastic one liners, as is Adam Baldwins hot headed, hired muscle character Jayne Cobb. Other cast members include Gina Torres, Morena Baccarin, Jewel Staite, Sean Maher, Summer Glau and Ron Glass, not one of which puts in a single bland performance during the shows incredibly short run.


Firefly's run on television is notoriously short lived. The reason for this was essentially because 20th Century Fox were too busy licking the window at the back of the sunshine bus to work out how to market and distribute the show. They couldn't work out who the intended audience for the show was, so very little effort was put into properly promoting it. The end result was that the show pulled in very low ratings, something which wasn't helped at all by Fox broadcasting the episodes out of sequence, causing the show to make very little sense to those actually tuning in. The end result in all this was the shows cancellation after only eleven of its fourteen episodes, a sickening shame seeing as there wasn't a single bad episode of the show.


Since its cancellation Firefly has gained one of the largest cult status's of any short lived show in American history, so much so that a partition created by its fans to bring the show back moved a theatrical production of the show into existence in 2005.


There isn't much more I can say about Firefly other than 'go and see it'. Its an amazing show with a great cast, fantastic writing, a catchy opening theme and a sense of originality that wont likely be equalled any time soon.


Firefly gets...

4.5 out of 5 (would have gotten 5 if there was more show to base it on)   

Notable episodes: ALL OF THEM


After Firefly and Angel's cancellation Joss Whedon was understandably furious. He had gone from having three television series on the go, to having none at all. Vowing never to return to television again he turned his attention towards making Serenity. It would be five years bore Joss made one last attempt to conquer the world of Television.


Ever since her appearances in both BTVS and Angel as the renegade slayer Faith, Eliza Dushku had been in talks with Joss to try episodic television one more time. Joss, obviously against the idea and not wanting to venture into that world again took a long while to be persuaded into doing so. It wasn't until 2009 that the world was introduced to Mr Whedon's latest brain fart, Dollhouse.


Dollhouse was a science fiction/psychological thriller/drama series with a mother fucker of a dark premiss. The plot of the show was to base the story around a glorified escort service which would wipe the minds of it's residents, essentially removing free will, individuality and self awareness in order to imprint the blank minds with whatever personality a paying client saw fit. Which is all fine and dandy until one of the 'dolls', Echo, starts to become aware of whats going on despite the wiping process.


It is a very difficult idea to get your head around, something which 20th Century Fox struggled doing from the start. It would appear that Fox had forgotten how successful Joss could be when it came to episodic television. BTVS was a mega hit, Angel did very well, Firefly was known the world over as one the best shows ever despite its short run and yet when Joss came to Fox with his ideas, they decided he didn't know what he was doing and started to enforce decisions. As a result the entire first year of Dollhouse is a bit hit or miss. The acting and the tone were fine but the scripts kept getting altered in order to meet Fox's latest list of demands that would, in their mind, ensure the shows success. What these changes wound up doing was taking the show too far down the wrong path, leaving it with a lot of backtracking to, which made the show suffer when it came to viewing figures. Ringing any bells?


By the end of the first season Fox were ready to pull the plug, but remembering the backlash brought on by Firefly, Fox opted to allow Whedon one more season of Dollhouse in order to wrap the show up. Trouble is, one season wasn't enough to fix the massive damaged caused and the end result was a second season which felt like a mad rush to the finish line. With that being said, the show does deserve some recognition.


The concept was strong and thought provoking, the cast were strong and the scripts were good despite the massive pressure put upon them. For this reason alone, I would recommend that fans of Whedon's see this show all the way through. Its a difficult show to both explain and review, but personally, I really dug it. My best advice for this show is to go out there and try it for yourself. 


Dollhouse gets...

3 out of 5

Noteable Episodes:     MAN ON THE STREET, OMEGA, EPITAPH ONE, VOWS, THE HOLLOW MEN, EPITAPH TWO: RETURN

And thus brings a conclusion to todays look into the weird and wonderful world of Whedon, a man who's adventures in television have been, shall we say, trying to say the least. For my money there isn't a single writer in the world of television who has achieved so much in such a short space of time. BTVS changed television, Firefly taught us the power of cult and Angel and Dollhouse teach us that, at the end of the day...

20th Century Fox are a bunch of fucking cunts