Saturday 26 February 2011

True Grit (2011)

THIS REVIEW IS TAKEN FROM www.fucking-movies.co.uk WHERE IT CAN BE SEEN IN ITS INTENDED FORM. 



***WARNING***
THE FOLLOWING REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS AND CONTRADICTIONS THEREFORE IT MAYBE UNSUITABLE FOR SOME FUCKS. IT IS ALSO 18 INCHES LONG, STIFF AND MAKES WOMEN SCREAM, NOT UNLIKE A STILL BIRTH.
 ***YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED***

When it comes to the Coen Brothers I am a very late bloomer. The first of their films that I saw was ‘The Big Labowski’ all of two years ago. Having been bowled over by this I then rushed into watching ‘Fargo’, ’Raising Arizona’, ‘Burn After Reading’ and ‘No Country For Old Men’. I’m aware that I have only grazed the surface when it comes to the brothers work but what I had seen thus far had left me hungry for more like some kind of film crazed Ethiopian child. In short I went into ‘True Grit’ with high expectations.

Typically westerns are not my thing. I’ve seen a fair few and have tried my best to like them but much like Chris O’Donnells career I find them long, drawn out, tiresome and totally uninteresting. I did not find this however with ‘True Grit’ which I found to have more substance, suspense and character than any other example of the genre I’ve seen before. At this stage in the game the ‘two headed director’ really does know how to direct the fuck out of a film, the actors contained within ‘True Grit’ are for the most part fantastic and require very little direction anyway. Jeff Bridges, Josh Brolin and Matt Damon have proven themselves to be great in pretty much any role they inhabit, the three of them easily make it into my list of favorite actors of the current movie generation, with Bridges in particular destined to become a behemoth in his craft for many years past his inevitable, heartbreaking demise. The presence of such actors though does take its toll on poor Hailee Steinfeld, who comes across a little out of her depth when pitted against her co-stars. This is not to say she doesn’t do a decent job, she does just fine but put her next to J.B. and expecting her to level with him is like arranging a fight between Andre The Giant and a small Ethiopian child with no positive attributes except for HIV and putting your life savings on the brown one.

As I said before the cast in the film is fantastic. Brolin is as solid as a fat mans turd and provides a great deal of apparent depth to a character that has about ten minutes of screen time. Damon is almost unrecognizable at times as an Angel who has been banished from heaven who must assist in the capture of Brolin in order to impress a professor with his amazing hidden talent for solving complex equations. And Bridges dishes out his typical ‘whip the audience up into a frenzy with amazing acting ass kickery while chewing up the scenery and excreting gold nuggets of cinematic wonder beans’ performance which we have all come to expect but simply can’t get enough of. 

The script is also top notch, keeping Potis’s revenge tale set against the fall of the ‘old west’ and the up and coming of a more civilized order while mixing in the trademark dark humour the Coen Brothers have become known for.

In terms of story ‘True Grit’ is strong enough but I feel lacks a little something when it all comes to a close. The audience spends the whole movie being invested in the characters and awaiting the tales conclusion only to find it happen a little too suddenly and then for it to continue for a few extra minutes in order to tie up loose ends which could honestly be left untied. This is something so unusual for the Coen’s that I am willing to bet the book does the same thing seeing as the brothers set out to make a faithful re-telling of the book with this film. As a result of the same slightly ‘from the hip’ style of writing there are a couple of times in the main bulk of the film where your not quite sure where its all going, these moments are however brief and do little to knock what is in actuality a pretty sturdy, well built movie.

Technically the film is sound. The cinematography is great boasting many beautiful shots that will please the more pretentious amongst the audience, the sound design is also top notch bringing back the uneasy sparseness that ‘No Country’ played off to perfection. There is a hiccup in the ‘set’ design/locations where for some reason you will find some shots don’t quite marry up to the previous. I know this seems like a bit of a nit-picker of a comment but its noticeable and therefor distracting. I know my promise is to not prattle on about bull shit but when I spend a chunk of a film trying to work out geography I feel I need to point it out, its by far the films biggest flaw and there is no excuse for it being there.   

On the whole I was impressed with ‘True Grit’, if you enjoy good writing, acting and directing then this will go down a treat. It has a few tiny flaws sure but what doesn’t? The very world we live in has so many great wonders only spoilt a little by the fact that there are starving Ethiopians somewhere harshing up everybody’s mellow. I Mean they just keep popping up, I for one would just like to forget its happening and live my life guilt free, what’s so wrong with that! Its all their fault really.

True Grit gets...
                                                                                                                                   4 out of 5

Saturday 19 February 2011

Paul (2011)


***WARNING***
THE FOLLOWING REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS AND CONTRADICTIONS THEREFORE MAYBE UNSUITABLE FOR SOME FUCKS. ENSURE THIS REVIEW IS PIPING HOT THROUGHOUT BEFORE CONSUMPTION. 
***YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED***


As I took my seat in the packed out cinema screen and awaited for ‘Paul’ to start spewing is visual goo, I remember thinking two things. One, every film I’ve seen in this cinema multiplex during the past year has been in this very same screen, I wonder if that front-right speaker is still busted? And two, this film is going to be shit. The later was something I could feel deep down inside me, tickling away at my insides like some kind of possessed french tickler who had been shrunk down and injected inside Dennis Quaid style. Then the screen lit up and the trailers began allowing numerous films to waft their oversized netherods in my face while cementing the idea that I really dont intend to see ‘No Strings Attached’ and perfectly displaying how the front-right speaker in Odeon, Oxfords 1st screen is still after twelve months, clearly blown. Then the film started...

It was good

Paul gets...

  
                                                                                                                                             3.5 out of 5







Okay, okay, okay! ‘Paul’ is not a film that is going to break any new grownd nor is it actually trying to. It was written by its stars (Pegg and Frost) as a ‘love letter’ to Steven Spielberg, think E.T. aimed at grown ups/juvenile delinquents. At first things are pretty rocky, Pegg and Frost already have their trademark on screen chemistry which works great but for some reason most of the jokes fall flat and seem a little forced, the film continues this way for about twenty minutes when expectedly, Paul (the alien) shows up. From this point on the film gets better and better as the story tightens, the jokes improve and the running gags start to line up. The film takes off running, introducing quite an impressive comedy lineup of actors, all playing roles which are a little off what you have come to expect. You have Jason Bateman as a quite, apparently all evil, hard edged FBI agent, two other not quite so evil but slightly stupid agents played by Joe Lo Truglio and Bill Hader. Kristen Wiig as a one eyed, devout christian who has her faith crushed, Jane Lynch as the owner of a space themed bar/coffee shop, Jeffrey Tambor as a hugely popular comic book writer and a whole slew of other great cameos that keep on coming right up until the credits, it truly is quite impressive.

As a whole the casting is fantastic but the choice to put Seth Rogans voice into the body of Paul strike me as somewhat strange. It doesn’t fit, Rogans voice is too deep and booming for the tiny frame of Paul and you will spend a decent amount of time being very aware that Paul has a famous voice over. I feel the casting of an unknown would have been beneficial in this instance, that being said you will get used to Rogans voice after a while and once you buy into that the character becomes charming and likable.

Comedy wise there is nothing too daring but its stands up well against some of recent memories better comedic films. Its not better than ‘Shaun of the Dead’ or even ‘Hot Fuzz’ but seeing as ‘Paul’s scope is so much larger its hard to compare them. ‘Paul’ is clearly written by british writers, and the film benefits from that. What it provides is a mix of your average dumb American action comedy with the dryer, sharper and downright superior comedy of us brits creating a film that is both entertaining and in the long run memorable.

The film is also impressive to look at, the action scenes in particular are very well shot, boasting dramatic camera moves while sewing together each shot in such a way that it leaves the audience with absolutely no doubt as to what is going on. Direction is also top notch, Mottola proving himself to be quite a diverse director having directed ‘Superbad’, ‘Adventureland’ and ‘Paul’ all of which are totally different types of films. I’m starting to think that Mottola has a lot more to give in terms of directing so whatch out for his name in future releases. 

Its pretty hard to be funny when it comes to writing about ‘Paul’ and this is mostly down to the fact that the film itself is funny. I can’t even pick on its cast seeing as its full of great actors with the exception of Rogan who stole all my good Rogan jokes for my review of ‘The Green Hornet’ a few weeks back. ‘Paul’ is a good film and well worth watching. Its not all that original but its funny, moves at a decent pace and seems surprisingly anti Christian. 

Yes you read that correctly. 

And yes that is a good thing. 

And yes everyone else would think so too.


Its because you take it too far.





Fine, damn me to hell, see if I care.






Thats right I don’t.
















I really really don’t!

Tuesday 15 February 2011

Missed Movies: Due Date (2010)


***WARNING***
THE FOLLOWING REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS AND CONTRADICTIONS THEREFORE MAYBE UNSUITABLE FOR SOME FUCKS. IT IS ALSO DEDICATED TO ALL DOCTORS WHO WORK IN ABORTION CLINICS, SOMETHING ABOUT WHAT YOU GUYS DO FOR A LIVING MAKES ME GROW A BIG RUBBERY ONE.
***YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED***

Dear Odeon Cinema,

Hello there, I’m a human being, what are you?

I only ask because your abilities to schedule new releases in your cinemas make you all look like incompetent baboons. Firstly you release ‘The Mechanic’ a week later than it was supposed to be, then you give it a minimal, limited release for all of one week then on the third week you stop showing it, while the entire time still showing ‘The Social Network” which came out on DVD today! I mean seriously, I don’t know exactly what it is that makes you so stupid but it clearly works seeing as calling you people idiots would be insulting to the most stupid of people. Now I understand that ‘The Mechanic’ is no ‘Citizen Cain’, nor is it ‘Howard The Duck’ but its certainly going to be better than ‘Swept Away’ and that got more than a week in our theaters. 
In all honesty I don’t know why I even bother writing this for you seeing as English is at least two evolutional cycles away from your primitive understanding, maybe my point could be better demonstrated in picture form.
Well I can see this is getting me nowhere, I’m not going to allow myself to get into a battle of wits with you people seeing as I don’t believe in taking advantage of the disabled. You’d probably just stare back at me blankly anyway demonstrating that while the wheel is clearly still turning, the hamster is most definitely dead.

Continue to make my job much more difficult next week when I plan watch ‘Paul’

Cunts.

Some of the more attentive of you may have gathered by now that I (again) have nothing new to write about. I was going to take in an advanced screening of 'Paul' tonight before realizing that the only showing was at 20:30 and it is February 14th, so fuck that! What I will do instead is review a film from last year that I missed, ‘Due Date’.

Todd Philips is one of those writer/directors with whom I have a love or hate relationship with. He started off with ‘Road Trip’ a film that came out in the early thousands and rode the soon to be battered and bruised coat tails of ‘American Pie’. It was an enjoyable and memorable little movie that has grown on me more and more over the years since its release. Todd followed this up with the now cult hit ‘Old School’ which to date has to be my favorite of his films, under appreciated and hugely entertaining despite its flawed cast. Then came ‘Starsky and Hutch’ and ‘School for Scoundrels’, a pair of films so devoid of humour that they made ‘Good Luck Chuck’ seem appealing. 2009 saw ‘The Hangover’ take over the world and was (in my opinion) rather enjoyable. I do know a few select people that didn’t enjoy it and are quoted as saying “it would have been better if he was in the hotel room the entire time”. As appealing as this idea seems at first I am forced to disagree seeing as the film requires the character to be somewhere where he cant be contacted or communicate, both of which could be done if he awoke to find himself in the hotel room. Now I know it seems petty to use logic when it comes to making a point about ‘The Hangover’, but when you develop a brain cell and actually register as a blip on my radar that isn’t a globule of sputum, I promise to give half a rats nut.

Now we have ‘Due Date’ which falls just about under the love pile. First off the pairing of Downey Jr. and  Galifianakiskisbangbang works well. Gannondelficakus is admittedly the same old character he seems to play in every film to date but he’s not quite stale yet. Downey Boozer is continuing his current ruling of the world by portraying a total narcissistic cunt who you can’t help but fall in love with. Added into the mix we have cameo appearances from  Jamie Foxx, Juliette Lewis, Danny McBride and RZA to name but a few, all of which make a cast that is funny and enjoyable to bestow.

The plot is simple and wont win any originality awards, its pretty much a typical Road Movie, Two guys have a few days to get from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ and come across numerous obstacles along the way, it all reminds me of something I can’t quite put my finger on.

The soundtrack is as to be expected from Todd Philips, its full of great songs, some of which you will know, some you wont but will love.

However ‘Due Date’ does have one glaring weakness, it does not treat its audience with any respect. Many of the bigger jokes in the film are too on the nose and a little too clearly explained as is the character and relationship development between the two main characters. While this is ‘Due Dates’ only glaring weakness it is quite a large one and does take a little getting used to. If you enter into the film thinking like an Odeon head office employee however I’m sure you’ll have the swellest of times.

Overall ‘Due Date’ is good, simple, mindless fun. If you want to sit down with your neanderthal brethren and drink tankards of your finest ales then this movie will be a blast. If you rest your posteriors with your peers and sip tea and delight in Scones then it will be akin to trying to swallow Ben Affleck whole with a soup bowl full of Keith Chegwins phlegm.      

Due Date gets...
      
                                                                                                                         3 out of 5

Tuesday 1 February 2011

Missed Movies: Despicable Me (2010)








***WARNING***





THE FOLLOWING REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS AND CONTRADICTIONS THEREFORE MAYBE UNSUITABLE FOR SOME FUCKS. IT WAS ALSO WRITTEN IN A LOFT WHILE ME AND MY FAMILY HID FROM THE NAZI SOLDIERS ON THE FIRST OF AUGUST 1944, THE DAY BEFORE I WROTE MY BEST EVER FILM REVIEW
***YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED***

I live in Oxford, England. A place with masses of rolling countryside, quiet little villages, one of the most respected universities in the world and a black hole apparently seeing as time and time again films get released everywhere else in the country and not here. Its as if the important people working at Odeon HQ don’t deem one of England's most famous cities as a good enough candidate to receive the no doubt life changing event that is Jason Statham’s latest opus, ‘The Mechanic’. Instead we get everything else I’m not interested in and can if we so wish take in ‘Marmaduke’ or ‘Red’ both of which saw release last year. I could go to see it at the Vue cinema we have here but seeing as its miles away and you can only get to it via car or a two hour walk it’s hardly a realistic option for me. So instead of reviewing ‘The Mechanic’ as planned I decided to take in ‘Despicable Me’ a film from last year that I neglected to see.

My reason for not watching ‘Despicable Me’ last year was attributed to me simply not being interested in it. People around me seemed to be getting quite excited during the build up to the release but I remained completely unconvinced the entire time. Even once it had been released I got told by many that it was ‘great’, ‘fantastic’, ‘amazing’ or numerous other uplifting words that still did nothing for me. I figured by watching the trailer for ‘Despicable Me’ that it would be typical GC animation release lacking in charm and humour and distinctly failing where Pixar seem to excel. I was obviously correct.

The premise for ‘Despicable Me’ is simple and altogether quite pleasing, its about a dastardly super villain who once was the most feared man in the world, but becomes vexed when a seemingly stupid young super villain starts to steal the lime light. An idea so brimming with promise that the very anticipation should whip an audience up into fever pitch, the possibilities are near endless. Instead though the writers decided to go down the ‘lets make the bad guy good’ road well travelled and thus remove all my interest in the story. Would it be so daring to have the super villain still be a super villain at the end of the film, I know it hardly sends out a positive message to the kids but have you seen the kids lately? They wont listen, their too busy shooting heroin into the eyeballs and fucking anything that moves while their parents pack them off to primary school with knives and bad attitudes. It would be entertaining to watch a GC animated film go dark, for the villain to actually be dastardly and do evil things, the audience would go along with it and kids would love it as the pretty colours and bold characters provide quite a trippy experience when your high. All of that being said the story moves at a brisk pace and the film never appears to drag, I’m not sure if thats actually praise though, can I really recommend an aspect of a film simply because it didn’t make me feel like I was sat down for days on end? I mean sure its more entertaining than watching paint dry or watching Avatar but so is cleaning out my toilet after a sausage fest’, beer swigging curry night and I wouldn’t recommend anyone do that in their spare time.  

As an adult male of a higher intelligence I found the film somewhat insulting. The humour was basic and unfunny, the story was predicable and somewhat preachy when it came to its ethics and hardly any of the characters engaged me. By far the most entertaining thing about the film is the little yellow workmen who, in my opinion should have their own series of short films. They can’t talk so the chances of them getting on my nerves are immediately lessened and also provides dialogue the writers can actually manage and they appear to have numerous functions. In one scene it becomes evident that if you were to ‘crack’ one of these little guys they would turn into a glow stick, for me the only time in the film I audibly chuckled.

I think what it all boils down to is me being spoiled. I am and forever will be a Pixar man when it comes to animation. Pixar are more innovative, daring and altogether better at this than Dreamworks. Thus far Dreamworks have produced one CG film that I actually enjoyed and that was the first ‘Shrek’, Pixar on the other hand have provided me with hours of entertainment only having produced two films I don’t like, those being ‘A Bugs Life’ and ‘Cars’. I am at the end of the day a Pixar snob, I can’t help it, they won me over. What Dreamworks have created in ‘Despicable Me’ is the promise of a very good film but without the substance. Its like eating raw porridge oats or what I imagine sleeping with Keira Knightly must be like, its bland and lifeless but it doesn’t take too long.

Despicable Me gets...
                                                                                                                                                   1.5 out of 5