***WARNING***
THE FOLLOWING REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS AND CONTRADICTIONS THEREFORE MAYBE UNSUITABLE FOR SOME FUCKS. IT WAS ALSO WRITTEN IN A LOFT WHILE ME AND MY FAMILY HID FROM THE NAZI SOLDIERS ON THE FIRST OF AUGUST 1944, THE DAY BEFORE I WROTE MY BEST EVER FILM REVIEW
***YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED***
I live in Oxford, England. A place with masses of rolling countryside, quiet little villages, one of the most respected universities in the world and a black hole apparently seeing as time and time again films get released everywhere else in the country and not here. Its as if the important people working at Odeon HQ don’t deem one of England's most famous cities as a good enough candidate to receive the no doubt life changing event that is Jason Statham’s latest opus, ‘The Mechanic’. Instead we get everything else I’m not interested in and can if we so wish take in ‘Marmaduke’ or ‘Red’ both of which saw release last year. I could go to see it at the Vue cinema we have here but seeing as its miles away and you can only get to it via car or a two hour walk it’s hardly a realistic option for me. So instead of reviewing ‘The Mechanic’ as planned I decided to take in ‘Despicable Me’ a film from last year that I neglected to see.
My reason for not watching ‘Despicable Me’ last year was attributed to me simply not being interested in it. People around me seemed to be getting quite excited during the build up to the release but I remained completely unconvinced the entire time. Even once it had been released I got told by many that it was ‘great’, ‘fantastic’, ‘amazing’ or numerous other uplifting words that still did nothing for me. I figured by watching the trailer for ‘Despicable Me’ that it would be typical GC animation release lacking in charm and humour and distinctly failing where Pixar seem to excel. I was obviously correct.
The premise for ‘Despicable Me’ is simple and altogether quite pleasing, its about a dastardly super villain who once was the most feared man in the world, but becomes vexed when a seemingly stupid young super villain starts to steal the lime light. An idea so brimming with promise that the very anticipation should whip an audience up into fever pitch, the possibilities are near endless. Instead though the writers decided to go down the ‘lets make the bad guy good’ road well travelled and thus remove all my interest in the story. Would it be so daring to have the super villain still be a super villain at the end of the film, I know it hardly sends out a positive message to the kids but have you seen the kids lately? They wont listen, their too busy shooting heroin into the eyeballs and fucking anything that moves while their parents pack them off to primary school with knives and bad attitudes. It would be entertaining to watch a GC animated film go dark, for the villain to actually be dastardly and do evil things, the audience would go along with it and kids would love it as the pretty colours and bold characters provide quite a trippy experience when your high. All of that being said the story moves at a brisk pace and the film never appears to drag, I’m not sure if thats actually praise though, can I really recommend an aspect of a film simply because it didn’t make me feel like I was sat down for days on end? I mean sure its more entertaining than watching paint dry or watching Avatar but so is cleaning out my toilet after a sausage fest’, beer swigging curry night and I wouldn’t recommend anyone do that in their spare time.
As an adult male of a higher intelligence I found the film somewhat insulting. The humour was basic and unfunny, the story was predicable and somewhat preachy when it came to its ethics and hardly any of the characters engaged me. By far the most entertaining thing about the film is the little yellow workmen who, in my opinion should have their own series of short films. They can’t talk so the chances of them getting on my nerves are immediately lessened and also provides dialogue the writers can actually manage and they appear to have numerous functions. In one scene it becomes evident that if you were to ‘crack’ one of these little guys they would turn into a glow stick, for me the only time in the film I audibly chuckled.
I think what it all boils down to is me being spoiled. I am and forever will be a Pixar man when it comes to animation. Pixar are more innovative, daring and altogether better at this than Dreamworks. Thus far Dreamworks have produced one CG film that I actually enjoyed and that was the first ‘Shrek’, Pixar on the other hand have provided me with hours of entertainment only having produced two films I don’t like, those being ‘A Bugs Life’ and ‘Cars’. I am at the end of the day a Pixar snob, I can’t help it, they won me over. What Dreamworks have created in ‘Despicable Me’ is the promise of a very good film but without the substance. Its like eating raw porridge oats or what I imagine sleeping with Keira Knightly must be like, its bland and lifeless but it doesn’t take too long.
Despicable Me gets...
1.5 out of 5
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