***WARNING***
THE FOLLOWING REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS AND CONTRADICTIONS THEREFORE MAYBE UNSUITABLE FOR SOME FUCKS. IT IS ALSO DEDICATED TO ALL DOCTORS WHO WORK IN ABORTION CLINICS, SOMETHING ABOUT WHAT YOU GUYS DO FOR A LIVING MAKES ME GROW A BIG RUBBERY ONE.
***YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED***
Dear Odeon Cinema,
Hello there, I’m a human being, what are you?
I only ask because your abilities to schedule new releases in your cinemas make you all look like incompetent baboons. Firstly you release ‘The Mechanic’ a week later than it was supposed to be, then you give it a minimal, limited release for all of one week then on the third week you stop showing it, while the entire time still showing ‘The Social Network” which came out on DVD today! I mean seriously, I don’t know exactly what it is that makes you so stupid but it clearly works seeing as calling you people idiots would be insulting to the most stupid of people. Now I understand that ‘The Mechanic’ is no ‘Citizen Cain’, nor is it ‘Howard The Duck’ but its certainly going to be better than ‘Swept Away’ and that got more than a week in our theaters.
In all honesty I don’t know why I even bother writing this for you seeing as English is at least two evolutional cycles away from your primitive understanding, maybe my point could be better demonstrated in picture form.
Well I can see this is getting me nowhere, I’m not going to allow myself to get into a battle of wits with you people seeing as I don’t believe in taking advantage of the disabled. You’d probably just stare back at me blankly anyway demonstrating that while the wheel is clearly still turning, the hamster is most definitely dead.
Continue to make my job much more difficult next week when I plan watch ‘Paul’
Cunts.
Some of the more attentive of you may have gathered by now that I (again) have nothing new to write about. I was going to take in an advanced screening of 'Paul' tonight before realizing that the only showing was at 20:30 and it is February 14th, so fuck that! What I will do instead is review a film from last year that I missed, ‘Due Date’.
Todd Philips is one of those writer/directors with whom I have a love or hate relationship with. He started off with ‘Road Trip’ a film that came out in the early thousands and rode the soon to be battered and bruised coat tails of ‘American Pie’. It was an enjoyable and memorable little movie that has grown on me more and more over the years since its release. Todd followed this up with the now cult hit ‘Old School’ which to date has to be my favorite of his films, under appreciated and hugely entertaining despite its flawed cast. Then came ‘Starsky and Hutch’ and ‘School for Scoundrels’, a pair of films so devoid of humour that they made ‘Good Luck Chuck’ seem appealing. 2009 saw ‘The Hangover’ take over the world and was (in my opinion) rather enjoyable. I do know a few select people that didn’t enjoy it and are quoted as saying “it would have been better if he was in the hotel room the entire time”. As appealing as this idea seems at first I am forced to disagree seeing as the film requires the character to be somewhere where he cant be contacted or communicate, both of which could be done if he awoke to find himself in the hotel room. Now I know it seems petty to use logic when it comes to making a point about ‘The Hangover’, but when you develop a brain cell and actually register as a blip on my radar that isn’t a globule of sputum, I promise to give half a rats nut.
Now we have ‘Due Date’ which falls just about under the love pile. First off the pairing of Downey Jr. and Galifianakiskisbangbang works well. Gannondelficakus is admittedly the same old character he seems to play in every film to date but he’s not quite stale yet. Downey Boozer is continuing his current ruling of the world by portraying a total narcissistic cunt who you can’t help but fall in love with. Added into the mix we have cameo appearances from Jamie Foxx, Juliette Lewis, Danny McBride and RZA to name but a few, all of which make a cast that is funny and enjoyable to bestow.
The plot is simple and wont win any originality awards, its pretty much a typical Road Movie, Two guys have a few days to get from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ and come across numerous obstacles along the way, it all reminds me of something I can’t quite put my finger on.
The soundtrack is as to be expected from Todd Philips, its full of great songs, some of which you will know, some you wont but will love.
However ‘Due Date’ does have one glaring weakness, it does not treat its audience with any respect. Many of the bigger jokes in the film are too on the nose and a little too clearly explained as is the character and relationship development between the two main characters. While this is ‘Due Dates’ only glaring weakness it is quite a large one and does take a little getting used to. If you enter into the film thinking like an Odeon head office employee however I’m sure you’ll have the swellest of times.
Overall ‘Due Date’ is good, simple, mindless fun. If you want to sit down with your neanderthal brethren and drink tankards of your finest ales then this movie will be a blast. If you rest your posteriors with your peers and sip tea and delight in Scones then it will be akin to trying to swallow Ben Affleck whole with a soup bowl full of Keith Chegwins phlegm.
Due Date gets...
3 out of 5
Such wonderful imagery.
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