Missed Movies: Bridesmaids (2011)

I take this opportunity to apologise to my readers for the lack of fresh content during the past two months, I was busy building a website and sitting on my perfectly plump posterior eating bacon bits with bread. I will also take this opportunity to say that I hate every single one of you for expecting content while I was away on the basis that you're all lesser beings with less interesting attributes than that piece of foil that covers every margarine tub underneath the plastic lid. 

This post has been dedicated to me. 

Welcome back, this blog hasn't been the same without you.

WARNING

THIS REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS.

IF YOU WISH TO AVOID SPOILERS THEN DON'T READ THE BITS WRITTEN IN RED.

OTHER THAN THIS BIT, OBVIOUSLY.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

 I had zero intention of seeing Bridemaids on account of it looking genuinely insulting. Now I don't mean insulting in that "your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rug burn" kind of way, I mean insulting in the  same way I find Michael Bay's films insulting. It looked about as funny as a beheading, about as interesting as the colour grey and all in all about as enjoyable as herpes. Despite this however I kept being told by those who had seen the film that it was not only enjoyable, but it was also one of the funniest films to have come out of Hollywood during the past year. 


Well, a few months ago I caved in and decided to clean the dishes, insert my tampon and finally take in the comedy extravaganza that is Bridesmaids and to my utter surprise it turned out to be better than I expected. 


Now before you all run for your nearest video store in order to pick up the triple play edition of Bridesmaids let me make it clear that my overall opinion of the film lies a hell of a lot closer to the negative camp than any other. The film is, to put it simply a bad watch.


To kick off my triumphant return I will begrudgingly start with the praise portion of this not so brief summing up, namely Kristen Wiig.


The cast, for the most part is shitter than a shit born of a shit and a shit in shitsville just south of Kent, but the same cannot be said for the films leading lady Kristen Wiig. I've kept my beady little judgemental eye on Wiig since I saw her in Knocked Up. She was by far the funniest thing in that film and has proven to be the similar rule with pretty much every role she's had since (with the exception of Paul in which she was beaten to the post by almost every actor except Simon Pegg). Here she not only gets to play the lead, but also manages to maintain her reputation for stand out performances while filling the role that's essentially the straight man (or woman). Her delivery is spot on, the character is believable and likeable and for at least half of the film I gave a crap about the outcome of her character. Wiig manages to hold her own as a leading lady and manages to carry the film well despite the amount of rubbish being piled up against her. 


There, thats the good bits taken care of, now on to the bits that make me want to slit your wrists.


The rest of the cast bored me. The group of girly friends appeared to gel well upon first appearance but as the film went on it felt more and more like each of them were competing for screen time and bigger laughs, which is never an enjoyable experience. Particular distain was held for Melissa McCarthy who looks way to much like Ricky Gervais for me to ever find anything she does remotely funny. And finally we have Chris O' Dowd, the weakest part of the IT Crowd providing the weakest love interest character I've seen since Portman in Thor. 


Direction wise I guess the films ok, but it does feel a little half arsed. Its clear that no effort was put into making the film unique or interesting. The pacing is lacklustre, the performances are mostly dull and the composition would be average by live TV standards. I think the point of the direction was to be unnoticeable in an effort to make the script stand out more prominently. Which would be fine if the script was able to stand on its own two feet to begin with.  


My biggest issue with the film was either its writing or its editing, and I'm not sure which to blame. Most of the jokes that failed to be funny in the first place go on for way too long. For example there is a scene early on where Wigg and some other snobby bitch are battling for Mic time at a party. The joke being that as soon as one person finishes a lovely complimentary speech the other butts in and attempts to better it, before the first one butts in again and so on. This joke goes on for what felt like an hour but I'm sure was more than likely closer to two.


Now it's obvious that the script was written this way so I'm more than happy to jump at the throats of Kristen Wigg and Annie Mumolo for it but on the other hand any decent editor would have realised that this kind of thing killed the pacing and would have recommended a cut. Instead though we are treated to a fair few scenes that have the same issue, implying that someone in the works figured this to be a grand idea, when in reality it's something best left to the only people who can pull that joke off correctly, Family Guy.


The other issue with the script is to do with the writers ability to tell a coherent story, which they can't. The script works in the same way many Apatow related productions do, it feels more like a series of badly written, unfunny sketches than a feature length story. The plot drops in and out of the film more frequently than I drop in and out of the blogging community. It was tiresome and slow, something which wasn't helped at all by the already mind numbingly boring and non-original story idea that the film portrays to begin with. Its yet another mega successful hit film that has found success by exploiting the stupidity of todays cinematic audience. The film has gotten by by being immature, simplistic and vulgar, and not in any kind of ironic way. This kind of thing is slowly degrading the once ever expanding world of big screen comedy and it sickens me. I guess, with the impending departure of Kevin Smith I should reside to the fact that the only good comedy I'm going to see on the big screen soon will be little known independent features, obscure book adaptations and remakes of older, much more funny films. 


At the end of the day, I'm still not convinced that this film is best suited to a male audience. Despite many of my supposedly hetro' male friends really liking the film, I would say that this is a film best suited to a bunch of girlfriends getting together to enjoy over wine and chocolate while they sync up their menstrual cycles. I, being the manliest of manly men am way too far removed from this demographic and therefore would never have been well suited to the film and I can hardly pan the film for this. It's my fault really, I shouldn't have watched it. I knew I wouldn't like it and I knew it wasn't my cup of tea.


To sum up you simply take the first number and multiply, divide, add or subtract it by the second number. Or, if your me you can say this...


Watching this film reminded me of every time I've sat down to meet someones new born baby. The presentation was being portrayed in the brightest of beaming lights and in such a manor that it made me uncomfortable to mention that rather than being the most beautiful thing I've ever seen it is in fact a sloppy looking, ugly meatball that persists to slowly shit into the palm of my hand. The experience was less than enjoyable and I can now, quite happily go without seeing it again until it grows up and starts acting like an adult.


Bridesmaids is