Almost Missed Movie: Thor (2D)

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***WARNING***
THE FOLLOWING POST MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS AND CONTRADICTIONS THEREFORE IT MAYBE UNSUITABLE FOR SOME FUCKS. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS STATEMENT AS A SIGN THAT I CARE.
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Wait, whats this? Could it be true? Has the worlds most dashing and wonderful film critic returned to grace your presence once again with the first of two posts that will endeavor to bring sexy back more than Justin Timberlake could ever wet dream about? Your damn right he has and before you start hurling your roses, french knickers and topless mammaries at the monitor I feel I should point out that I did not do this out of love for you, my ungrateful hordes of degenerate puss globules. No, no. I did this because I know that without my opinion then the movie world would simply shrink itself down into a state of non existence, thus leaving me with nothing to critique and thus bringing an end to all things as we know it. I dread to think what that kind of destruction would do to my impressively sized manhood, which is something that the women of this world need seeing as without it they serve no purpose. Anyway enough about the important things in life, lets get down to a subject nobody cared about a month ago. Thor.

Going into 'Thor' I expected the worst. The world is a little too mystical for my tastes and the trailers left me wanting to get Michael McIntyre to hurl a stillborn emu at my own face while he ran through his dastardly overrated stand up routine. What i found however was a lot to enjoy with only a dash of content that didn't quite work. A complete turn around and something with I rarely see in modern, blockbuster cinema.
 

'Thor' is about a god named Thor, shocking I know but do try to keep up. Thor gets banished by Anthony Hopkins and is sent to flash his washboard abs and precarious biceps down on Earth until he learns not to wave his dick at the evil Ice Giants with whom his race has been waring. He is also emasculated to a certain extent when Hopkins locks his magical hammer up in the grown up cupboard allong with the medication, the buscuite tin and a collection of playboys. I may have fudged some of these details but you get the picture, its a redemption story with gods.

The reason 'Thor' works as a film is down to how it doesn't take itself seriously at all. It seems that even Marvel know how stupid this franchize is and understand that the only way to handle it in a theatrical sense is to simply try and make the film enjoyable at any cost. The script is simple but littered with genuinly funny one liners and a few big action setpieces that work really well simply because their not trying to outdo anything that came before them. The film has been kept short and sweet, allowing the story to move quickly without ever getting bogged down with needless exposition or plot complications. Kenneth Branagh helms a solid film from begining to end, displaying that he clearly was the right man of the job in this instance.

The cast are also pretty solid and work well together. Chris Hemsworth appears to be having fun portraying Thor, playing him big and loud and slightly over the top in a manor perfectly pitched for the movie's tone. Natalie Portman is very likable and pretty as usual, Tom Hiddleston portrays the films villain with enough power and menace to make him a believeable and worthy antagonist, while Anthony Hopkins simply does what Anthony Hopkins does and turns out a masterclass performance in a very short time span.

Another note worthy aspect to the film is its set design, most noticably when it comes to Asgard, Thors home world. The sets are lovingly brought to reality and retain their look from the comic book, giving them a mystical yet fun feel akin to the sets found in 'Flash Gordon'.

On the down side Natalie Portmans character appears to fall in love with Thor way too quickly in order for it to be beleivable, a shame considdering that had this been done correctly then it would strengthen the films somewhat anti climatic ending. 'Thor' is clearly the begining of a longer story and as a result it shoots for a dramatic ending, what happens instead though is that it falls slightly flat as a result of the films underdeveloped love story. 

Another disapointment lies within the films 'bonus scene'. This may seem a little picky, but one of the greatest draws to the new breed of Marvel made comic book movies has been the twist contained within their bonus scenes, usually hidden away within or after the feature credits. 'Thors' scene however serves almost no purpose to the universe as a whole simply exists in order to wrap up a plot hole left in 'Thors' closing scenes.

To sum up, 'Thor' is not amazing. Nor is it going to go down in cinema history as one of the better Comic book adaptations. It stands above both 'Hulk' films, 'Green Hornet' and 'Superman Returns' but its quite a way behind 'Spiderman 2' or 'The Dark Knight'. It is still an enjoyable film to watch though and if your the kind of cinema goer that never misses a comic book movie then this is going to be something worth seeing.

'Thor' gets...

3 out of 5