Battle For The Planet Of The Apes (1973)

WARNING

THIS REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS.

IF YOU WISH TO AVOID SPOILERS THEN DON'T READ THE BITS WRITTEN IN RED.

OTHER THAN THIS BIT, OBVIOUSLY.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

"...Somewhere along the line of history this bloody chain reaction has got to stop. A destroys B, B destroys C, C destroys A and is destroyed by D who destroys E. Before anyone knows where they are there wont be anyone left to know anything anywhere."

                                                                 -Some Mutant Arsehole, Battle For The Planet Of The Apes

While I'm fully aware that this quote makes about as much sense as an indigo badger with a beak, it actually does do quite a good job of summing up this floundering franchise. With every new sequel to the original Planet Of The Apes more and more harm is done to the overall story. It's never intentional harm, the truth in fact is that while each film tries to answer the questions raised by the previous entry, it unwittingly brings up and fails to resolve more of its own like some kind of pretentious two thousand and something TV show about people trapped on a mysterious island. Writer Paul Dehn managed to put an end to this nonsense with film four but at the behest of money hungry producer Arthur P. Jacobs, Dehn was forced to conjure up another story for the franchises final installment, Battle For The Planet Of The Apes.

Battle' picks up the story an unspecified amount of time after the closing moments of COTPOTA. The ape and human races have almost been completely wiped out by an atomic explosion. Apes rule over the world but are living side by side with humans peacefully. This has caused some tension amongst members of both species but most evidently that tension is provided by the Gorillas. This minor conflict, mixed with an angry soon to be mutant human race soon causes a civil war, in a fight over who gets ultimate control over earth.

My biggest issue with all of this is that it really doesn't need to exist at all. COTPOTA wrapped everything up so well that I was perfectly capable of piecing the rest of the timeline together for myself. By watching film one, I know how this battle is going to end and who will ultimately come out victorious, so why spend 1.76 million dollars telling me? Money is obviously the answer, cause it sure as shit ain't to entertain me. Battle' is the third film of five in this franchise to bore the arse off me. It's scene after scene of endless drivel, some adequate performances and low budget action.


Acting wise, like I said, Battle' is just about adequate. As usual the best performance can be found under Roddy McDowell's cheesy ape mask. Also returning and putting in an ok job is Austin Stoker as Caesars right hand man MacDonald. The rest of the cast are relatively forgettable. If I sound less than infused on this point it's because I am, I really couldn't give a monkey's at this point. (Will this madness never end!)


Thematically this film stands up about as well as the other ones. Animal cruelty, slavery, social class and racism supply the franchise mainstay themes with the addition of war added to the mix this time around. There isn't really any outstanding message to take away from the film more than 'war is bad, people can be bad, some people are good', that sort of thing. I appreciate the effort being put into this aspect of the film but by the time film five rolls around, it will have gotten more stale than my trainers after a long, uphill run.


As has been the issue with most of this franchise, I can't really talk about the film without brining up its ending which in this instance has been left open to interpretation. The final plot point in the film comes when Ape leader, Caesar decides that he is going to ensure that history doesn't repeat itself. Something which he plans to do by making both apes and humans equals in society. It isn't revealed however whether this plan worked or not. The final shot of Battle' is of a statue of the now dead Caesar, shedding a single solitary tear. This can signify one of two things. Choice A is that his plan succeeded, and everyone lived happily ever after. The second Choice is B that it ultimately failed. Being the pragmatic pessimist that I am, I like to think that his plan failed miserably, with the massacre of everyone on the entire planet, thus leaving this franchise dead and buried for all eternity.


So there we have it, the final installment of the original Planet Of The Apes franchise. It has had its up, and a lot more downs but when all is said and done, I'm glad I trudged my way through it. It could have easily ended, and probably should have done, at film one. It could also have ended with film four. But instead it ended with five, the very much unneeded, tagged on sequel. 


If there is a lesson to be learned from this franchise its that sequels can really wind up hurting the film from which they were birthed. Six days ago, when I first watched Planet Of The Apes, I loved it. Sure it was dated and a little slow in places, but when all is said and done, it was a decent way to spend my afternoon. Now, after watching it's illegitimate litter of runts, I look upon Planet Of The Apes in a dull, lifeless light, its a place I don't want to visit again. Sad really, but that's what a bad sequel or three can do.


Battle For The Planet Of The Apes gets... 

1 out of 5